Friday, 16 February 2018

For a While - FMF

Five Minute Friday writing Prompt, 5 minutes Unedited! Go!

I've had more "why's over the past few months than I have for a long time. Why's that happen from deep within, from disappointment, heartache, crisis and dashed hopes or dreams. In my why's and waiting, I've noticed how often we approach God with a "search engine," mentality. We expect quick answers and yes, no realities and oh how I wish that was the case sometimes! Yet, I'm learning through my current wilderness season, that waiting's and why's can open a pathway where God's voice really does become clearer, and His answers and words are not always yes or no about what seems to be, our foremost questions of mind. But His answers are truth and the truth really does set us free. Sometimes Father's truth and the words He tells us seem to be bad tasting medicine in our mouths, because in that moment it's not really what we want to hear, but we learn that the bad tasting stuff is often the most effective. Through the why's, I'm also learning deeply in a very real way, that community can be pretty uplifting. I'm also comforted by the reality that we received 5 different calls this week from different families asking us for guidance on their current seasons of "why." Gosh, their questions and feelings mirror our own right now. So instead of giving advice, we simply sit together, even over the phone and tell each other "hey, I don't know what you should do, or why this is, but I'm your friend, you can lean on me, let's just be together in this." God is with us and He will never leave us, of this I am sure, and when the why, turns to "oh that's why," then we will at last understand or maybe we will have become stronger through the journey...

Linking with Five Minute Friday 

Friday, 19 January 2018

Dreaming - FMF

Five Minute Friday Writing, 5 minutes, unedited! GO!

For the passed two days I've had the lyrics from Tangled stuck in my head. The part where she goes in to the Snuggly Duckling and finally implores them all to find their humanity and help her live her lifelong dream. Then a great song busts out and I'm left thinking about the man with the hook who wants to be a concert pianist. It goes like this;

I've always yearned to be a concert pianist
Can'tcha see me on the stage performin' Mozart?
Tickling the ivories 'til they gleam?
Yep, I'd rather be called deadly
For my killer show-tune medley
Thank you!
'Cause way down deep inside
I've got a dream."

I get excited talking about dreams even though I'm currently meandering through a dry season of deciphering my own God - dreams which somehow seem to be in a drought. However, dreams are important, they are visions, glimpses in to our hearts, pieces of our purpose and our passion. They are sign posts, keys to unlock doors of destiny. Most of all I truly believe that when we walk with God He places amazing dreams within us, just so we can find ourselves. One thing I've learned about dreams though, is that they are intentional, they seem more beautiful, ethereal and wispy when we are dreaming them, but the intentional hard wok can some times make the dreams seem, not so wispy. But to get out of the boat, and to allow ourselves the joy and the hardwork of dreaming, I think that's one of the beautiful things that makes life worth living. 


Linking with Five Minute Friday

Friday, 5 January 2018

It's not gonna go that Way - FMF

Five Minute Friday - Yey! 2018! First one for the year, writing on the word "motivate!" Let's Go!

I'm not a fan of new years resolutions, I've never made them and I never will I believe. But I did feel excited to enter in to the new year, I continually felt Abba Father tell me that it would be a year of incredibly good things. I was motivated, focussed and ready to begin, then we adopted kittens!
In November 2016, my beautiful cat of 16 years old passed away, it was a really hard time and it took an entire year to heal that space. I started thinking about that space in my heart the one that feels like a cat shaped hole. And then our local animal shelter was having a kitten adoption day and we went to look. Long story short, we adopted 2 great 10 week old brothers, but it's been challenging. Really like having babies in our home, and yes I've cried, not ashamed to admit that. And thought how am I going to stay focussed, moticated and able to study this year (I'm going back to school!!) with this. And then God..... that's like me saying and then God stepped in to all my tears and fears. He led me around the Bible and then to Moses leading his father - in - laws sheep through the wilderness. God whispered hey "Abel, the patriarchs, Moses, Jacob and his sons, they all cared for animals and it taught them to be leaders who serve me, and who can lead people. When you can love an animal, you can better the world." 

God is so good! My home feels a lot more complete with them here, and I'm learning a lot, a whole lot! Life isn't always going to go dead smooth as you'd like it to go, but I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to, because how would we ever learn and how would we ever be partnering deeper with God, to better this broken world! 

OH my gosh, when I looked at my blog I realised the very last post I wrote was about wanting a cat! I didn't get those kittens on the farm, praise God that He knew better! But hey seems He was preparing my heart all along, wow! Here's that short post: This Familiar Fear 

Linking this week with  Five Minute Friday

Friday, 24 November 2017

This familiar Fear - FMF

Five Minute Friday - writing for five minutes! GO!  

My precious fluffy son has been gone a year already, the time has flown but the emotions of grief are still there sometimes. I adopted him when I was 16, pretty young, and he went home to be with God when I was 32. It was so incredibly hard losing him, I still can't post pictures of him because it hurts too much but so much of me has healed too. I can think of him with joy and feel his presence because he still lives on, and he's apart of my life now, my memories and my heart. The pain of losing my pet was a big hole I never really felt ready for, it used to scare me sometimes, the thought of him one day going home. When the time came it was really hard. I grew up my whole life with animals, we had fish, geese, cats, dogs, pigs and birds and tortoises. I'm a huge animal lover, but after this I did not really think I could get another pet again. That feeling of grief and pain was all too familiar and I just don't know if I could do it again.

Three weeks ago however, I did start thinking about it. I miss having that pet companion. Someone to make the family complete and then I walked in to a cafe on a farm where we usually go for lunch and one of the cats there had the most adorable kittens. One of them came bounding out towards me and he reminded me so much of my boy. I feel in love with him and felt a strange feeling of warmth inside again. I said yes to the lady who owns them but came home with loads of familiar fears. Have I made the right decision? In a way I wish I could just hear "it's going to be okay!" Opening up to being a pet parent means opening yourself to loving and caring for a life. I pray it will go okay! I'm also praying I will get my boy because I'm going away and the other new owners will be choosing their kittens first, so I get the last one - please let it be my boy God please! 

Linking with Five Minute Friday

I have started a devotional section over on my author website. I've done a number of devotional series' on different radios this year and I've wanted to bring devotionals to my readers. The first 4 have been inspired by the book of Nehemiah, but they go deep in to the heart. I hope you will check it out and be encouraged!
HeartBeat Devotionals 

Friday, 27 October 2017

Crying Ground

Yey! I havent been able to participate in FMF for some time, but glad to be back this week! Five Minutes of heartfelt writing, here goes!

Social media in South Africa is a buzz, I'm not on it much, I prefer to live a life where social media does not take a big chunk of my life. However, with the recent tragic farm killings that continue to take place here, and the public call to wear black on Monday as a sign of unity in our mourning, well it's not fair to hide away from this. Even though I haven't been watching the videos many are posting or getting caught up in the debates and dialogues, I cannot help but feel the sadness. Last night I actually crawled in to bed fearful. Today I woke up thinking how happy I am to be leaving South Africa for a few weeks on a ministry trip. I've never felt this way before. This place has always been home, but suddenly I'm aware that I'm overcome with tiredness.

I believe in the truthful reality of being the change you want to see. Of doing good whenever you can, wherever you can, especially in your community. But what happens when you suddenly have no hope that things can change? Farm murders have been happening for years in South Africa, it's our current genocide and it is tragic, disgusting and wrong. But can we change it? 

While lying in bed feeling suddenly fearful, I started praying asking Abba for understanding and light. My fear dissipated, even though my soul was still in turmoil. It's the desire of the righteous to see justice and to pursue it, that's what the Bible teaches us, and so if we are overcome by the desire to change injustice, it stems from a place of goodness. I'm wondering about the future here, but I know the safets place to be is in God's Will, wherever that may be. Hope overcomes despair, faith overcomes the challenges of daily living and I pray His protection and Justice will ultimately overcome what's happening here, as the blood of the innocent cries out from the chaotic, broken ground of South Africa.

STOP! Linking with Five Minute Friday
and Velvet Ashes

Monday, 2 October 2017

And then a Promise

I’ve window shopped online, being staring at the screen uninterested. To be honest, I’d love to be doing something else right now but between my headache and the nervousness that’s giving me a goldfish brain, I’m pretty much stuck with this. I’m stuck with the nervous subconscious stuff, and I guess it’s relevant.

We leading a week-long retreat camp in two days’ time, travelling and not knowing what to expect. Excited about it, but nervous. I don’t think I would feel this nervous if I was not also nurturing the reality of being away when my dad goes in for his heart operation this week. I remember the first time he went in for a heart op, I wrote English 206, Jane Austen essays, second year university. I did pretty well in that exam, but I remember looking up at the clock every half an hour thinking, he’s in now, I wonder how it’s going. The older I get the more these moments have held indescribable meaning, the value I attach to my family has become deeper, more settled. I’m led to believe that is the case from my friends who are much older than me. I guess that is why the older you get the harder it is to let go of things, physical things, so you end up hording. Most of the time, when you unpack one of my grandparents houses you will end up finding loads of old things and there’s a story for every single thing they own. Those stories were boring when you a teenager, but as you grow you realise your grandparents tell you those stories because through them retelling it, it holds profound and lasting meaning to them. Stories are a beautiful way of making things live, through our oral memories, we put flesh and bone on something that is merely a misty photo in our memory. Speaking of photographs, I’ve heard my mom and my aunts arguing about who gets the photos when my gran isn’t around anymore. She has a box of old photos, she lets us look at them every now and then, but no one gets to touch them. Those are sacred memories on paper.

Every day is a memory, perhaps I’ll look back on this one day in the same way as I do on my Jane Austen exam paper and remember this very moment. In fact, of all the exams I wrote, that is the one I remember the most, because it was coupled with a bigger story. God has given us as a family, profound peace about my father’s operation and I’m reminded of the promise God gave me when I was newly saved, that one day He would save my family. That promise still hasn’t happened yet and as I sat on the couch this evening, I heard Him tell me to read Joshua chapter 23. I was like – I don’t think there is a Joshua chapter 23 and maybe this isn’t God, but there is a twenty third chapter and it was God. My thoughts were empty save for one cry from my heart, what are you saying to me through this?

As I clung to the promise of salvation for my family and the promise of peace in the midst of this storm, Yeshua pulled me to verse 14 and whispered; “You know with all your heart and being that not even one of all the faithful promises the LORD your God made to you is left unfulfilled; everyone was realized--not one promise is unfulfilled!” Yahweh promised Israel so many things, so many beautiful things and every one was fulfilled in its time, not one remained unfulfilled, even the small ones. I am comforted by His unfailing Love and promise, my family will make it in the right time, in His perfect way. What amazing hope and comfort to know the King of Kings and to hear His voice. He is the One who knows the future and this year through some very hard, internal stuff I’ve really learned just how Sufficient my Messiah is, in absolutely everything. So here I am, more comforted than before, tucking this promise in to the folds of my spirit and praying for a good nights rest. Abba You have this, and I trust you, I trust You….

Wednesday, 27 September 2017


This Poem first appeared on Altarwork 
The picture of Father dropping seeds, feeding things, the sound of the creaking, unoiled gate at the bottom of the garden. The sinking feeling of not knowing how to come home, but the shining light that illuminates His face. These images are a part of me. I see this poem so clearly, having entered that gate 15 years ago, I'm just caught up by His face. And the Love that's never changing from His Heart, I needed to share this poem right here... 

 Father. Framed in black and white, ​
your smile captures the light on a broken window pane.​
Father. Bag in hand, other hand open. Lifted high.​
Seeds for others to eat, light – laced seed, ​
feeding the world’s forgotten things.​
Feed. ​
Father. There is a gate at the opposite end of the yard, it is open.​
Is there space for me to slip in?​
Let’s talk over by the body of water that resembles a pool.​
Draw near. Our faces wrinkled in the water’s gaze.​
We look the same.​
Our reflection in water’s grace, smile at the sameness of our eyes.​
Father. Framed by light. Squint my eyes and you fade into the dark shadows.​
Correct my sight and you fill the scene.​
Bathed in the fires flame. ​
Hands open Wide.​
I enter the gate at the bottom of the yard. Tired.​
You hear the steel, it’s different from most who enter.​
Smile. You turn, it’s me. I’m home.​
Here, embraced.​
Forget all else, you turn because it’s me. ​
Your eyes filled with my broken need.​
I’m coming home to you.​